WRITER'S BLOCK - BY STOYA

Here's the thing: in porn, I play a role. Depending on what the movie is, I play different kinds of roles.

Seriously, though. When I first started, I mostly played the ingenue. "Oh goodness, I've never done this before" etc. Of course it helped that I had in fact, not done it before on camera and had no idea how video worked. Sometimes I play the aggressor, sometimes I play the aggressee. Is aggressee a word? I don't think so, but I'm going to use it as a nonce word. Sometimes the scenes are light and fluffy and I play someone's cute girlfriend. The other day, I did a video that involved a scene where I verbally humiliate someone through a computer. It's like role playing is at home but extra special because it's recorded and distributed for the enjoyment of others, which pushes my exhibitionist button.



But here's where it starts to get interesting...I can play a role on camera, but I can't fake sexual attraction to someone. As a contracted performer for a company like Digital Playground, that's easy to work around. I can play those various roles only with other performers that I have chemistry with.

Now for the actually tricky part... I'm encouraged to blog/write. Frankly, I could be quite happy keeping all of my thoughts off the record and in my head or only expressing them during private conversations with friends. The only thing I feel a burning passion to share with the world is high-definition video of select sexual encounters. I obviously don't mind sharing more at the request of both the company I work for and various websites, but what do the blogs do to the fantasy of pornographic video? Is it better to play it safe and keep everything mildly erotic and inoffensive? Or to lay it all out there, taking the heat when I'm misunderstood or (believe me, it's happened before) just plain wrong about something? How does the second option affect the director's ability to use me as a vehicle to express their erotic visions through?

And how the fuck am I supposed to write about anything interesting until I figure these things out?